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Do you have the audacity to make your dreams come true?

Audacity is that fire burning drive that pushes an individual to excel in life.

Audacity is that ability to be persistent and persevere through blockages and barriers. We all can use and should start using some audacity in our lives because audacity is that power within us that gets the job or task done.

Be audacious!

In our society the word “audacity” has developed this negative connotation. I always hear or read that such and such “had the audacity to…,” and what usually follows the phrase is something negative. It is time to shift that narrative or meaning into something more positive.

According to Merriam Webster Dictionary the word audacity is an “intrepid boldness” or “bold or arrogant disregard of normal restraints”. Both definitions use the root word “bold” which can mean fearlessness or without fear. Everyone has fears but someone with audacity is moving without fear and that can be deemed scary or negative depending on the context; however, we are not focusing on the fears we are moving in the spirit of boldness through audacity.

I want to highlight the power, the strength, and the bravery in moving audaciously in this world. Audacity is that shark, that bear, that bull, that strong force and energy that is transformative, understood and respected in our society.

For instance, If I was in a zombie apocalypse and I had to choose someone to come help me look for food and medicine I would choose someone with some audacity in them. Shoutout to Joel aka Pedro Pascal.  If I was starting a new business, I would want to partner with some who have the audacity, the guts to make our business succeed.

Audacity is contagious.

There is a saying that you are who you surround yourself with and in my life I want to surround myself around audacious people. The movers and the shakers, the people who are achieving their goals, taking risk and ultimately winning in life.

Come in, let’s get you nice and relaxed. Put on this comfy robe while I run the bathwater for you to soak in—splash. While you indulge, I’ll light your favorite candles to set the tone. Hints of lavender, lemongrass and rose will surely improve your mood, change the atmosphere, and your attitude. I hope you don’t snooze. What’s your favorite music? Let me play that too. The ambience is set to soothe.

Set to soothe, set to rearrange the cells in your body to groove. The rhythmic flow dancing to make you anew. No worries and no stress. I want to lift the weights off your chest. You can take a long inhale aaahh—breath. Contentment, ease and comfort met. A problem free philosophy for the best. You’re the best. You simply ought to know this.

How can I express my gratitude?

To the sun, to the stars and the moon,

to myself.

To awake and give thanks.

To walk and give praise.

To show myself grace.

I need to show grace and understanding.

I need to pause and stand still.

Stop and show some appreciation.

To my heart that pumps,

my lungs that breathes,

and to my blood that circulates.

To my troubles and my blessings.

Gratitude. I give gratitude.

The night creeps on Congo, and out in the open forest the starry skies are the only place of refuge. In the middle of the forest far from the nearest town sits a hotel masked in webs of thorns and lilies. And out on the long gravel road leading up to the hotel moss impedes over the stones. There amidst top floor hotel rooms stood a figure looking out the window viewing the entrance. Its eyes of stolen warmth scans a gray car driving down the road. At last, new guests are here— a sudden pierced shriek echoed in the room and the figure puts on a mask tending to the matter; the party was soon to start. 

In the grey car driving towards the hotel was Taj. Taj’s trickling anxiety made him pull into the parking lot of the hotel and dial his wife’s Kara’s number for the sixth time—no answer. Taj had planned a day in the city to appease her and buy her affection but Kara refused to go because she was still upset with Taj over an argument they had the previous night. Still upset the following day, Kara decided that she would rather have a spa day at the hotel than go into the city with him.  After being in the city for an hour Taj decided to cut his trip short because Kara was not answering his phone calls and he had an unsettling feeling. Once Kara’s phone did not pick up again Taj sat in the car looking at his phone frowning in defeat, he wanted to makeup already and enjoy the rest of their trip in Congo. He gets out of the car and precedes to walk to the hotel.

 “Someone is watching me”. The idea tickles Taj’s brain as he walks on the pathway that leads to the hotel. That uneasy feeling forms in his gut again and etches on his face to create a frown. To confirm his feelings, he looks to his surroundings, and not a trace of a human can be found. The forest and its inhabitants sat so close. A small frog hops on a lily pad in the small pond next to the entrance of the hotel. Staring at the frog, distracted Taj directs his focus back to Kara and his task. This had only been Taj’s fourth day at the hotel, but normally he would have been greeted at the entrance and once inside the receptionist would have normally told him that he had a call from his job. The bellhop would then ask to assist him with his bags to his room. But today, the hotel looked abandoned. Today, the colorful walls sketched out a darker shade.

Today, Taj wished he was not in Congo. On the way to the elevator to his room he is finally stopped. 

A man dressed in a suit says, “Hello Mr. Davis. Are you enjoying your stay?”

Startled by the sudden stop Taj says, “I am, thank you” while walking away. He was in a rush to see his wife. And his mind was preoccupied with his actions. The man in the suit blocks the elevator.

He grabs on to Taj’s arm clutching tightly he says, “Mr. Davis, the hotel is hosting a Masquerade party out on the patio at seven. You and your lovely wife should come. It is one of the biggest events the hotel hosts.”

Taj, annoyed, presses the elevator button and says, “Can you please take your hand off me. Thank you. I’m not sure if I will be attending this party. Also where is everyone? I needed someone to carry my bags to my room.”

The man in the suit smiles and replies while walking away, “All the staff are tending to the party, I apologize.”   

Taj, perplexed , gets on the elevator that leads to his room.  His room is on the top floor. On the room door dangled a flyer for the Masquerade party; however, partying was the last thing on Taj’s mind. He opens the door and expects to see Kara instead there was a note. The note said that she will be at the masquerade party. That was it. There was no indication that she was still mad, so Taj’s worries begin to slip away. If Kara wanted him to go to the masquerade party, then he would. 

Taj hurriedly gets dressed and descends to the hotel’s patio. The stars and forest decorate the scene, and men and women talk to each other in dresses and suits. Taj scoured the area for Kara and found her talking to the man he met earlier in the suit at the elevator.   

He walks up to them and looks at Kara for any source of her mood. She doesn’t say a word. He comes closer and says, “May I steal my wife for a bit.” The man in the suit nods and walks away.   Taj pulls Kara in for a long hug and inhales her scent. He lets her go and starts to ramble off apologies and promises. Kara just smiles and nods. Taj then proceeds to say, “I thought this was supposed to be a masquerade party where are all the masks?”     

Kara looking disheveled stares at him and in a monstrous voice says, “It is”. Before Taj could react, she grabs her face and pulls off the skin to reveal a creature’s face. His brain registers the beast and shouts—gorilla.   

Kara, it, the gorilla, says “We were waiting for you”. The rest of the guests take off their human skin faces to reveal gorillas. The gorilla’s faces enwrapped in fur and eyes of brown vengeance stared at Taj in hunger. Taj’s face enveloped in fear tries to run, but the man in the suit he saw earlier blocks him. Tom tries to push him out the way, but he grabs Taj with force and slings him against the gravel. The man in the suit removes his human mask to reveal a gorilla. He smiles. Two large fangs poke out and snap at him. He picks up Taj by his shirt and stares at him. Taj whimpers in terror with sweat beading down his face. The gorilla’s body starts to shake in laughter, and his fangs tear into one of Taj’s legs, dismantling it from his body. Taj screams in pain and terror begging for mercy. The gorilla looks Taj in the eye and rips his head off from his body.   

What makes you happy?

What actions are you taking to achieve happiness in your life?

As I become older, wiser, and more in tune with myself I began to reflect and consider more so my emotions and actions. I began to ask myself questions like the ones above.

So, what makes me happy, let’s break this down. Let’s start with defining happiness. I love to set the base. Happiness according to the American Psychological Association is an “emotion of joy, gladness, satisfaction and well-being”. A broad definition. A lot of things can invoke this emotion. A lot of external things such as people, the weather, the environment you’re in, etc. Although these factors can affect a person, external happiness is not the focus right now. I want to narrow this definition of this emotion down to the self.

How do I invoke the emotion of happiness?

Instantly I think of sleeping, eating, being alive… and although they do make me happy it’s still very surface level. I dive deeper and I think running, dancing, writing, singing, doing my makeup, and the light bulb goes off.  We are getting somewhere. These are the actions that make me happy. I should do more of those actions. Yes, correct however, as an intellect I don’t want to stop there I want to dive deeper into why. Question everything! 

So why do those actions invoke happiness and others do not?

An answer—Flow State.

The term flow state was coined or popularized by two psychologists, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and Jeanne Nakamura. Flow state is the state of being immersed or absorbed in activity that one enjoys or challenges them. Another term for flow state could be “in the zone”. The Pixar movie “Soul” touches on the term “in the zone” and gives the examples of someone being in the zone while playing the piano. Another example can be a basketball player scoring consecutively, a boxer rhythmically landing punches with a speed bag, or a surgeon performing surgery for hours on end. The ability to act or perform in a consistent and efficient manner while doing an activity.  Flow State is often exhibited in people who are professionals. Professionals tend to concentrate or engage in activities that are challenging, immersive, and put them in a state of being present.

Anyone can experience flow state.  

I have experienced flow state or being in the zone when I run a long distance.

Runners have a term for flow state called “runner’s high”. This is a state in which my body and mind are attuned with the activity of running to where I don’t feel the aches of my body, and my mind is not thinking about the next step in front of me. Everything flows. I could run forever in my mind when I am experiencing a runner’s high/flow state and being in that state produce’s endorphins aka happiness. Natural happiness I produced by myself for myself.

When I freestyle dance in my room while getting dressed with music blasting I can experience flow state. I can create this flow of movement and art and be completely absorbed in moving my body. I can create a space in which time does not exist nor does anything else in my mind or reality other than dancing.

Flow State is like a moving meditation. Meditation requires stillness to be present to reach mindfulness while flow state requires action and produces the same effect if not more of an impact.

So, what activity do you like to do that is challenging, consuming, and fun for you? We all need to do more of that activity to be in a state of flow. It is in our favor and part of the formula of creating happiness within.

You got the plan, man. To build and construct buildings, skyscrapers, mausoleums, temples, and shrines. Elaborate floors, secret rooms, and trap doors. Mastermind with the vision to orchestrate an uproar. Indoor slides, intricate pools, and art to die for. The walls of your mind are complex and unexplored. Got people wondering about your schedule and repertoire. How you think and envision more. What’s the secret to your allure? They want to level the score. Can’t figure out what you ate and how you ate and still hungry, starving for extra, the bread and the butter—full course. Tell them your sauce is sold separately; they can’t buy it at the store. You can teach them, but you have to charge. Charge interest for your design, your imagination, your rhymes. You’re the real blueprint bona fide design. Shine sunshine shine.

Born in time.

I’ve spent my time

analyzing my thoughts and actions.

Twirling around ideas in a carousel

for years and years.

Immune to motion sickness.

I replay in my head

what hurts me

what comforts me

and what motivates.

Across galaxies and dimensions.

Haunting myself in my dreams.

I choose to get off the ride

to look at the hillside

 of a mountain I created. 

I stand still

and quiet the inside

to realize 

time flies.

Ping! Samira’s phone alerts her with a notification that she received money in her account. Seven o’ clock, right on the dot, one hour after her six-hour graveyard shift.  As expected, workers in the city of Fadorn get paid one hour after every shift and the payment was exactly what she was waiting for. She grabs her phone and walks out of her small studio apartment into a long narrow hallway plastered with doors. The building’s occupants roamed in and out of them at all hours of the day.  Samira on the 10th floor reaches the end of the hallway and rushes down the staircase because the elevator was always broken. Hungry and tired from work Samira thought about where she should go to get food for the next week. This shift’s check had to go on food. She worked six days out of the week, and she was still barely getting by.

Exiting the apartment building from the stairwell door Samira finds herself in a dark alley. Tarps and buildings blocking any sunlight through the street. Fadorn a city compacted with tall buildings and no space was up and bustling with people on their way to work, school and appointments. The sound of traffic whistling, construction on buildings and chatter from people, electronics and build boards of advertisement. The city of Fadorn never sleeps and the sounds from every corner are always audible and the smell… the smell thought Samira was distracting. What should I eat, what should I eat, thinks Samira.

Joe’s! I’ll get food at Joe’s Samira decides. Walking out of the alleyway onto the narrow sidewalk filled with stores that had apartments and more stores on top of them. Samira thinks, I will get a few items for the week: rice, beans, chicken, water and if I’m lucky, some fruit. As she walks in the store the TV is blasting  the news. Samira looks at the fruit prices as the television announces, “Breaking news, status report”.  A new app is being launched called Invest Samira hears. The new app created by billionaire Kareem Wilson allows one to put one’s money back into themselves. An app to improve one’s health and life expectancy. Samira chuckles at what she was hearing from the TV. She thought the app was stupid and another cash grab to people. The newscaster continues to talk as the store begins to flood with teenagers talking loudly and bumping music. The store clerk gives Samira a look and she walks to the cashier to check out.

A year passes.

The app Invest is booming. The reviews are raving about how people joined the app and have the most amazing success in their lives. Almost everyone that Samira knew had downloaded and joined the app. A huge waste of time, Samira thought.  Everything was so expensive in the city. The daily necessities and bills take all her money; she simply couldn’t afford another expense on her load.  

Or so Samira thought, one night working graveyard shift Samira had a conversation with her coworker Miah short for Jermiah about life and the struggle to live in the city of Fadorn when Miah stops talking mid conversation to check his phone and smiles. Samira notices and says “What got you smiling like that? Miah looks at her and says, “You’re not going to like my answer.” He begins to laugh and continues, “It’s the app! Samira. You need to download it! It’s changed my whole mood. I’ve just been approved for an activity for tomorrow. I’m so excited!” Rolling her eyes, Samira says, “I don’t have the money to use the app Miah.” Miah answers back, “Well you better save your money for this Samira.” Samira sighed and they both continued to work.

As the sun rises Samira finishes her work and clock out. She continues on with her daily life and a week passes. She is still thinking about what Miah said and after thinking about it continuously she caves in and downloads the app. It was just as Miah stated you put money into the app and you get to choose different activities to do. Simple concept Samira thought. Some of the activities listed were massages, a yoga retreat, and planting a garden. Interesting Samira thought activities of the old. She read about this when she was in school. She scrolls through the activities and decides to schedule an activity for the next day to see what was so special about the app.

Tomorrow arrives and Samira makes her way to the app’s headquarters where her activity is being held. The activity she chose was a massage. Samira had never had a massage and did not know what to expect. The massage was a strange activity that she loved. She ended up walking out of the activity feeling amazing and relaxed. A feeling she hasn’t felt in a while. She always felt stressed from working all the time and she forgot what it felt like to relax. The feeling extended into the week and she started to look at the other activities on the app thinking maybe this was the feeling Miah was talking about. The experience and the feelings persisted for the upcoming weeks and all she could think about was how she needed to book another activity as soon as possible.

In the city of Fadorn everyone started working at the age of twelve and that’s what people do. They work till they die. The average lifespan for citizens in Fadorn is forty-five. Fadorn is the city where a lot of jobs are held in the republic. Samira wanted to leave the city but this was where she was from and all she knew. The app Invest might be her chance to live. After a month had passed since her first activity she purchased another. She needed to invest.

Doomsday extraordinaire, horror and gore fascinator, pessimist who is optimistic, that is all me.

  Let’s talk about the mythical, supernatural, and fantasy. Let’s talk about scary movies, aliens, and zombies. Let’s create scenarios on what you would do as a human being if these unexpected horrific things were to appear in your life because it’s fun to imagine. Reality is fleeting and my imagination is endless.  Also, you never know if this information, as surreal as it may be, will be useful to your life in the future.

  So, get in my metaphorical car and learn how to survive a zombie apocalypse!

  Before we go over my steps that I have compiled from digesting zombie content. I want to say that my advice may be good for any apocalypses that may arise. Preparation for the end of the world is needed and logically reasonable to me because didn’t we all just survive a global pandemic. Zombies were and still are not off the cards to happening and I necessarily don’t want it to happen. My fascination is not a glorification, it’s more of a let’s be smart and not die preventive measure.

 So, boom, you hear from your phone, from the TV, or in 4K right in front of you that people are being infected with some type of virus that causes them to desire to eat human flesh. You’re at home, you’re at work, you’re at the store in shock and disbelief. 

  Personally, I would give myself five minutes or less to process the shock and disbelief. Scratch that, maybe less than 5 minutes because time is of the essence. Sickness is spreading quickly.

  So, feel the emotions yes and then immediately go into planning mode. Wherever you are you will need to come up with a plan of action expeditiously!

  Step 1: Think and Process

  The two main plans of action or two main questions you as a human should think of are where you should go and where you should get supplies if you don’t already have them. Supplies as in what can I defend myself with and what food or medicine I may need.

  Unfortunately for you everyone else might be thinking of the same thing. Tale as old as time everyone is going to be going into panic hysteric looting mode. Everyone is going to be going to Walmart, Big 5, Costco, pharmacies, all the stores that carry weapons, food and supplies of any sort. Those spots are going to be hot spots for the virus to spread off bat. If you are already in a store, lucky you and maybe not lucky you.

  If you are already in a store with supplies, I wouldn’t even give yourself time to process. You need to process and pick up things such as perishable foods and something to wrap wounds or some type of medicine for your future ailments.

  If you are anywhere other than a store I would say, go home. Home is the best bet and first place you should go to if a zombie apocalypse happened.  Why go home, because you should already have some type of perishables and weapons at home for example knife, hammer, bat, etc. If you don’t already have those things, you may need to loot somewhere. If you are not at home and not in the store, you should go home and isolate, regroup and gather.

  Step 2: Go Home Roger

 Once you have been home, acquired supplies, weapons, and talked to whoever you needed to you will need to devise a plan. If you have a family that you are living with all of this becomes ten times harder. If you are by yourself and your friends or family are not living with you and you want to go to where they are or meet someone or people you would have to plan that out. Other people can slow you down or get you infected, yes, and at the same time they can help with survival and lighten the mood in a damper situation. By yourself or with others you would then come up with a plan to get to a space where you would not get infected and you will be safe. Your home is not the final destination to stop in a zombie apocalypse unless you live in a fortified stocked protected bunker. Or if you in one of the safe locations already listed in Step 5.

 Step 3: Decide if you are moving solo or with others 

  Two scenarios. You are by yourself or with your family already and don’t need to meet with anyone, the best scenario, and you would then make your way to somewhere safe. The second scenario, you are by yourself or with your family and you need to meet others. 

  If you are in the second scenario, good luck honestly, surviving a zombie apocalypse will not be easy and you wanting to add a stop before you get to safety to acquire more people is a job for a superhero or trained assassin. I sympathize because you may have some loved ones you want to protect. An honorable human morale quality. I say think logically and make your move. If you have successfully survived the second stop or chosen not to acquire people the next stop is to safety ideally.

  Step 4: To Safety

  Safety can be an hour away, days, or months depending on where you are. The topic of transportation comes into play. Even though cars are a quick way to go from point A to point B there are some cons to using them. Cars are noticeable and the streets and highways will be littered with people in their cars trying to escape causing traffic and infection. If you have a bike or motorcycle that is fine. However, if you don’t, your legs are never going out of style for transportation and you will be able to keep a low profile. If you have a boat even more awesome because it can be of use.

  Step 5: Island, Mountain, Tower, Castle, Bunker

  Wherever you go it must be somewhere with an advantage point for you. Somewhere high up and guarded with infrastructure or with nature such as in the mountains or in a tower or castle. Or somewhere where the zombies can not reach you such as a bunker or on an island because zombies can’t swim hopefully and if you have a boat you can reach that island or stay on the boat. All places are ideal spots to stay in for safety until the situation of zombies has resolved. This also is when having supplies come in handy because you don’t know how long you will be at these spaces and how long it would take for you to get there. Lastly, Make sure you have a radio or wherever you are going to have a radio or some type of connection to communication to listen for news. All these secluded places listed in step 5 are bad in service although so that is something you would have to think about and strategize against.

  Step 6: Survive!

  After going over my survival steps the reality of surviving in a zombie apocalypse seems bleak. I can’t even sugar coat this. It will be tough. Nevertheless, with a step by step plan of action my mind and hopefully your mind is more at ease on the task if it ever arises. Preparation is key. A great philosopher once said If you stay ready you won’t have to get ready. With a pre-plan in action I would say the probability of you surviving the apocalypse has increased 40%. Slaughter some zombies and live another day. Happy Halloween!

Stir this,

mix that,

boil and toil

over the liquid

substance

until it

crackles,

pop–snap.

          Mystic magic.

          Elixir of life.

          If you take

          A sip of me

          drip, you will

          float and breath

          out fire and ice.

                  Walk through walls

                  and have superb

                  hearing for a

                  thousand nights.

                  Inhale the

                  fairytale

                  and sprinkle

                  laughter

                  and love

                  into your life.

                        Have you

                        jumping on

                        one leg reciting

                        pig latin while

                        you rub

                        your elbow and belly

                        counterclockwise thrice

                                    That is indeed the

                                    price to make you

                                    wise,

                                    beautiful,

                                    and one

                                    of a kind.   

                                          Turn off the

                                          heat to harvest

                                          the prize.

                                          Retrieve the vile

                                          and proceed to

                                         conquer the world.

                                         It’s an uprise!

In the midnight hour of the night. At the corner of the street lurking away from sight. A disfigured black shape of darkness loomed over the light. Over there yonder next to the last store door on your right stood something terrible to be witnessed by human eyes. Its gaze can cast a spell and have you bound in fright. Clench your jaw in anticipation of terror. For you feel the heebie-jeebies, the goosebumps, and see the monstrous height. You bite your tongue to shock your system into flight. Run to some safety, a car, another building to hide.

Hide away from the paralyzing enchantment. The predator of the night. For your desire for fresh air is now making you think twice. The still air is causing your mouth to get dry. Don’t you dare cough to clear your throat and reveal your location to the monster alright. For the coast is never clear but you spot an electric scooter before the boogeyman draws near, and you make a beeline to your escape ride. To notice the battery is dead and your phone starts ringing with your friend on the line.

You answer your phone before it reveals your position with fear and sweat rolling down your face as big as the size of a dime. You whisper to your friend where are you? Don’t meet me at the store. There is something wicked in the shadows and I’m hiding very far. Alert the authorities and make it quick. As you say your last word you hear a creak, and your body goes tense, frozen in thought and too scared to turn an inch.

 Gigi usually starts hiking early in the morning before the sun comes up and before everyone gets on the trail but, today she brought her friends to hike, and the hiking began in the afternoon at 3pm when the sun was blazing, and the trail was filled with people walking and running. Three women, Gigi, Lauren, Tasha, and two men, Juan and Tevin set out to hike a trail in the Angeles National Forest Mountains. The hiking trail led to a waterfall and the group had hoped to view it and enjoy the scenery of nature.

  On the trail the group is having a good time laughing and joking around as they descend the mountain. Two hours pass and the group arrives at the bottom of the trail to a clearing where the waterfall resided. With beautiful views and a sense of accomplishment for finishing the trail the group set up a picnic to relax. Gigi brought sandwiches and snacks for the group, and they all talked about the upcoming week and their goals in life. The perfect spring day in great company, anyone in the group would think.

  As the day passed all the people near the waterfall began to go back up the mountain as the night drew near. All except the group. The group was having so much fun and lost track of time to where they ended up staying in the clearing next to the waterfall for hours only to be interrupted by an alarm. Lauren’s alarm. The alarm on her phone reminded her to take her medicine at 8 o’clock at night and that was when the group had noticed how late it was and how they should be walking back up the mountain before it got completely dark in the wilderness.

  Tired and happy from the day the group obliged and started to go back up the mountain. Walking back up the mountain the group realizes that there were no other people on the trail. They noticed an old man walking back up before they did and then they never saw another person. About halfway back up the mountain Juan had to stop and relieve himself. While the group waited for him Juan went off the trail a little to the way behind some trees and shrubs.

  The group waited for five minutes and then ten until everyone left in the group began to get agitated. It was now completely dark in the Angeles National Forest Mountains to where the group couldn’t see ten steps ahead. A chilly coldness began to develop in the air to where the girls began to shiver.  Lauren and Tasha huddled together near a small boulder decide to approach Tevin and ask him to go look for Juan.

  Tevin, a little spooked to go by himself, asks Lauren to come with him because it was dark, and his phone had died.  He insists to her that he needs her flashlight and companionship.  Lauren, reluctant but wanting to go home, agrees to come with Tevin to go look for Juan. The pair could be heard and seen walking into the trees where Juan was calling out his name while Gigi and Tasha waited near the dirt trail for Juan, and now Lauren and Tevin to come back.

  The forest in the mountains is dark and quiet. Earlier in the day Gigi could hear animals bustling in the leaves, people’s voices, and the many sounds of nature and creatures squirming around. Now sitting on a boulder next to Tasha Gigi could not hear a thing.  There was an eerie quietness in the air to where goosebumps and the hairs on her arms began to stand up.

  After another five minutes had passed since Juan went away, then Tevin and Lauren, the remaining members of the group Gigi and Tasha started to get more worried. While waiting Tasha began to question Gigi about the trail. Questions such as was the trail safe and if she heard of anything ever happening to people in the mountains because Gigi had hiked in these parts in the past. Gigi flustered reassured Tasha that the mountains were safe and how she had never heard of anything happening on the trail. Both looking at their phones, noticing the lack of service to call anyone for help, decided to go after their friends to find them. Gigi and Tasha walked in the direction of where their friends went missing for five minutes until they walked under a sign that read Vertere Circum. Instantly after walking under the sign the scenery around them changes. The sun appears above their heads and they see Juan, Tevin and Lauren huddled in a circle talking. 

  Gigi and Tasha, confused about where they were and why their friends had been there, walked up to Juan, Lauren and Tevin. The three look and notice Gigi and Tasha approaching and begin to look even more worried than they already do. Once reaching the circle, Juan shook his head and told Gigi and Tasha, “ Damn, you all should not have not come. We are stuck here, and we don’t know where we are. It seems like we are still in the mountains, but it is daytime when it was just nighttime.”  Juan, Tevin and Lauren then begin to go over their experience to Gigi and Tasha. Everyone had the same story of walking near some trees and under a sign. After much talking the group decides to walk back to where they disappeared hoping it will take them back to where they were. 

    The group walked until they ended up back on the main trail; however, the sun was still out and they didn’t see anyone or hear any animals or creatures roaming around. 

  An hour passed in this new space, the group still on the halfway point of the trail began to get hungry, tired, and more worried and scared about their situation. They have another group discussion and decide to walk up the trail to the parking lot hoping to see their cars or anyone and they do not find another soul. Panic began to develop in the group. Tasha began to cry and whimper while Juan began to apologize to the group for going off the trail to pee. Lauren began to yell in annoyance, “What the fuck is going on! Gigi, what is happening here? Where are we?  I feel like we are in the fucking twilight zone! Gigi yells back at Lauren, “I don’t know what is going on! I am just as confused and scared as everyone is! I’ve hiked this trail many times and this has never happened to me.” 

  Silence ensued in the space.

  Minutes pass until Tevin interrupts the silence and says, “C’mon Y’all, what are we going to do everybody? Let us come up with another plan.”

  The group begrudgingly huddled together once again decided to go back to where they first disappeared on the halfway mark of the trail. Back to the sign.

  Once back in the area, each member of the group begins to walk to different places around the clearing in the forest. Gigi roamed around in the area thinking for a few minutes and finally decided to sit on a twig that triggers a string to expose a small door in a tree. Surprised Gigi yells out to everyone, “Everyone look, a door!

  Tevin, Lauren, Juan, and Tasha all come running to where Gigi is and all stare at the door. Gigi walks around the tree and says, “I wonder why there is a door. It looks like it doesn’t lead anywhere. Should we open it?

  Lauren yells, “Yes” and reaches out to open it, crouching to go into the small door in the tree and away from sight. Tevin followed by Juan and lastly Gigi crawled through the space after her and away from sight.

Between goals and achievement are discipline and consistency. – Denzel Washington

Two great concepts/principles I would like to master in this lifetime are discipline and consistency.

These concepts/principles once intertwined together create a harmonious relationship that produces success and completion in one’s goals and tasks.

Big and small, the idea of completion and success in tasks can collectively be seen as a desire in this world. I myself desire completion and success in my daily tasks and in my goals, and as I write what I want to convey in this post the formula seems clear and evident, yet very difficult to uphold and practice in everyday life.

It’s a struggle. I struggle with discipline and consistency.

It’s an uphill battle. It’s an internal battle with myself on continuing the goals I make for myself, and logically it baffles me. My resistance does not make sense because why am I even battling against my own improvement?

I ask myself what is the solution? Is there another way to the path of success, a quicker way, a detour? Can I scheme and do things with low efforts to reach the results I’m looking for? These are just a sample of the questions my mind thinks about, and I can come up with a million more questions or excuses to deter myself. All the while procrastinating and setting myself back just to come back to the same notion.

Discipline and consistency are what it takes to tackle these tasks, and with that understanding between myself a mindset shifts.

I make changes in my daily habits and I’m going to the gym, eating healthy, reading, etc. until some life event slides me off the path.

This pattern continues, I’m disciplined and consistent and then I fall off. Repeat, discipline, consistent, fall off.

After many years of this pattern, I can say I have improved on shortening the time of “falling off” my game because of the grace I extend to myself.

What is just as important as talking about being a consistent and disciplined individual is to talk about the period in which you are not that individual. What are you telling yourself to get back on track when the emotions of life take over, you’re tired, and your routine is slowing down.

When you know what you need to do but you just can’t muster up the energy to do it.

During this period of not being productive or proficient a lot of discouragement and self-doubt can bubble up to the surface of your mind and consume your thoughts to where you cannot even act to be a disciplined and consistent individual.

What do you do then? My answer/my message is to be honest with yourself.

There is a saying, “no beating around the bush” and that saying basically means to be direct and to do it quickly.

Acknowledge the hardship and get comfortable with being uncomfortable and choosing the path of adversity. The path of difficulty because that is what is difficult and uncomfortable.

As simple as it is to say to acknowledge or accept hardship, the brain needs to be told the same answer in different ways and repeatedly for it to register fully. So, in those down times of not being able to be on the path of consistency and discipline remind yourself yes this is difficult, but so what…and then get to it because you can! Falling off your path is normal and expected and getting back to it quickly is even more expected. I should title this the discipline of consistently bouncing back.

I’m going to hand you the controller. X makes you move forward, and square makes you take two steps back. Remember these moves for when you are in your first fight. Remembering is your first test.

    Ninja fighter. Hitman. Well-trained assassin. Two blickey’s in your bag and a Katana knife to fight your battles with a fiery passion. Listen up! Your enemies will try to catch you slacking. If you’re not paying attention, you will need to start the level over until you pass it—no questions should you be asking.

    Everything you need is provided for and encoded in your memory bank, data brain, introductory pamphlet. You started the game with an invisible inventory stacked and filled to the brim with imaginative weapons. Your training has prepared you to move past the enemy lines and kill all your distractions. Level up in the game and you will be rewarded with chances, choices, and passes! Play the game, have fun, and learn from your mishaps.

Delusion is contagious, pass it around.

I’m going to go to the tallest tower in the city and drop it into the atmosphere and have everyone inhale it by the pound.

With hopes that it changes your paradigm. Make you get out of bed and wear that shirt, that dress, those pants that you bought for when you feel like it’s a special occasion.

Today is special.

In hopes that it grants you the courage to act on your dreams. To sell that product or art that you’ve been thinking about and working on.

I want to see and buy whatever you’re selling. 

Exclude me. You’re doing this for you.

Speak life into yourself and act on your desires. 

Watch how the universe bends, ignites, and lights your world on fire.

No more diluting yourself dear we’ve all pulled out a chair to watch the fireworks and cheer.

Two hips and a hooray to the newfound person. The one who is delulu and getting from life everything they ever wanted.

At two o’clock in the afternoon, in Huey Hall located at the back of Juniper University, a group study is being held in a room. For one week twenty students, ten men and ten women, are being blindfolded and led into a room with clear reflective windows and individual school desks and chairs. On the desks lay one singular paper, a No.2 pencil, an eraser, and a pencil sharpener.

    The twenty students blindfolded piled into the room one by one from a long hallway. After the last student is led into the room, a soft women’s voice is heard from a speaker telling the students to take off their blindfold and find a desk and chair. The room filled with bright lights reflecting off the clear windows and bare white walls makes the students’ eyes squint from the strong exposure of light. Adjusting to the light and their surroundings the students walk around and find a desk and chair to sit down on.

    Immediately after the last student sits down the same women’s voice in a speaker voices, “Welcome to the curator study. For an hour you will draw a picture with the paper on your desk. After an hour has passed, you all will then be blindfolded again and transported back to the meeting place of this study. This study will continue for seven days.”

Silence ensues from the speaker. A clock drops out of the ceiling in the middle of the room and the voice in the speaker speaks once again and says, “Time starts now.”

    The twenty students looking around perplexed about the instructions of the study begin to draw different images on the paper on their desks.

    One male student draws a picture of a beach with sand and water. On his paper the sun is in the corner and birds are flying in the sky over the water.

    Another male student draws a picture of a bridge with water drawn underneath it. The bridge connects to a green pasture filled with a forest of trees.

    One female student sat and looked at other students’ drawings and scanned the room for thirty minutes until she decided to draw on her paper very quickly a pair of sunglasses on top of a snowy mountain. The student finishing her drawing as a voice in the speaker announces to the students that the time is up, and the study is now over.

    The woman’s voice said, “Please line up near the door and put on your blindfold.”

    The students put on their blindfolds and get escorted back into the long hallway. Walking for five minutes the students eventually reaches the meeting room where their belongings of phones, backpacks, purses, and lunchboxes reside. The students were told not to speak to each other, gather their belongings and walk out of Huey Hall and to continue with their day.

    Some students go on to hang out with friends, some off to class, and others off to work or the library.

At night when seventeen out of the twenty students in the study go to sleep all seventeen have a dream. A dream about the picture they drew earlier in the afternoon in the study they were in. The dreams are vivid, realistic, and with great accuracy and resemblance to the picture each student drew.

    One student could feel the sun and wind at the beach that he drew, and another student could feel the bark of the massive trees he drew with the touch of his hand. Some dreams pleasant and favorable while other students’ dreams are scary and more of a nightmare.

    The last three students of the group study fall asleep early in the morning and follow the same fate as the other seventeen. Each of the twenty waking up from their slumber and remembering the dream for ten minutes and then forgetting all about it.

    This pattern continues on for five more days. The twenty students at Huey Hall at two o’clock in the afternoon each drawing an image on a piece of paper. Every night the students dreaming about the image as soon as they fall asleep and awake to not remembering their dream.

    On the seventh and last day of the study. One of the female students sat in the back of the room and scanned the room with her eyes for a few minutes until she decided to draw a room with reflective windows and white walls. With twenty students, ten men and ten women, hunched over individual school desks drawing images.

Love is a feeling. Love is an action. Love is energy, love is matter. Love is unexplainable. Love is magical and love is work. 

Love is work, and amusingly as I write this statement or sentence, I want to initially roll my eyes at the thought of not only working but also the thought of working for love because at this moment in this post I desire to do neither honestly.

The idea/concept that love is work makes me want to throw a tantrum and slide down a wall in a dramatic way because of my own preconceptions. By writing this post I want to display my thought process of changing that initial thought and perspective on the matter.

For love being work should not be deemed negatively and the idea that it is work should be discussed more. Shared wisdom that can lead to a better understanding.

I think in our society there are a lot of misconceptions about love and about work.

Love is seen and described as this whimsical fairytale. This is depicted in our movies, in social media, and in literature. Love is viewed more in the realm of spontaneity and by chance. One of the great sayings, “we fell in love/falling in love…” insinuates how love just happens, when that is not really reality.

Meanwhile, work is viewed as something forced, planned and nightmarish. Two very different concepts and yet one idea defines the other. Work is one of the definitions of love. Love has many definitions and work is one of the most important ones that people tend to bypass or not know.

Love takes work. 

Some of the most rewarding things in this life take action aka work. Actions such as getting up and grooming yourself and taking time to journal, to workout, is an act of love and an act of work one does for oneself. Going to pick a friend up from the LAX airport is an example of an act of love. Taking your neighbor’s trash out for the garbage truck when they have left their home and forgotten to is another example of an act of love.

We as human beings perform normal everyday actions which are examples of an act of love. I just think people don’t acknowledge it as love or vice versa the action/work as love. I think when people think of love they think and focus solely on romantic love.

When love comes in many forms. Familial love, self-love, communal love, platonic love, friendship love, unconditional love, agape love, etc. All these forms of love exhibit some work and action.

These actions of work for other people and ourselves are natural. We as human beings want to do these actions for others and ourselves and I believe that is great. 

The concept, love is work is easy to follow until an issue arises and then the action does not come naturally.

During these times when it is hard to work in the name of love is when the work or actions you take is even more valuable and important. 

Just as when you’re tired from lack of sleep one still goes to work one must continue to show up for a friend, your community, yourself when you don’t have the desire to do the work outright. This is when the concept “love is work” is truly exhibited and the work is felt.

When the workload is felt, noticed, exhibited, it is not the time to quit. I think a lot of people quit their acts of love once they realized the work or the work piling up.

Every individual has their limit on how much work they want to put in and that is a fair assessment. I just think as a society and perhaps more so in Western society we shouldn’t blindside ourselves and think there is no work in love at all when in actuality there is tons.

I as a human being desire love so I must put my quarrels aside to the idea of putting in the work because I know love takes work and I wouldn’t even want a love without the work.  

Also, work makes love even sweeter, even stronger. My love for God, myself, my family, community, my friends, etc. Spread love, spread work.

I break my own heart and cry when I envision your image.

You bring up emotions.

They put on display my insecurities and highlight all the actions and words that I never expressed to you or spoken.

They paint an image of myself that I didn’t recognize and didn’t want to notice.

My reflection looks broken and now distorted.

For I didn’t ask for a mirror!

I’m dodging you and I, I, and you, and I’m mad at us both.

The madness is leaking into my life and it’s leaving a stain on my clothes, etched on to my face, the feelings are telling, and it shows.

I turn and hide my face.

How dare you make me feel more than one, two, three… all the ranges of emotions!

The woes.

For what I don’t like in you, I don’t like in myself.

The realization hits me double times, triple times four.

Got me reconnecting with nature, myself, and God for only he knows.

Praying for wisdom and relief.

Asking who, what, when where and how. For I need all the questions to come up with answers for my loss of hope.

Grateful to even have loved, bring on the heartbreak storm, the heartbreak trope.

For I know true love is worth it and I’m risking it every time, I’m giving more, beyond my all.

I can feel the passion emanating from your skin.

You’re burning up for me babes and I just need a taste, a bite, a drink to quench my spirit within.

Oh, look and see how my smile connects to my grin. I can’t hold it in.

I’m giggling till the butterflies in my stomach are also laughing and gliding out of my pores to smell your pheromones to latch on to you.

To pause, hold you close, and squeeze my essence into your epidermis gland.

Seep in deeper and go into your molecular makeup blend.

Download your DNA and hold it hostage for all eternity.

For forever and a day.

Cause I see you; I know your power and will gladly submit to you and still win.

Doses of everlasting romance. You bless me even if I’m not close to absorbing the sun that is you.

Your light is bright, deadly to me if I get too close, and yet I’ll forever want to orbit and glide close.

“Come this way, your table is over here,” the maître d ‘says, beckoning a man and a woman from the front end of the restaurant to the back. The restaurant, dark with low warm lighted chandeliers and candles placed throughout, was filled with the murmurs of voices having different conversations, the clanking of plates and glasses, and the sound of a piano being played in the center of the restaurant.

   At the piano, massive, sat a small old black man playing soft jazz melodies dressed in a three-piece gray suit with a charcoal newsboy hat.

   The mixture of sounds setting the ambiance to produce an electric hum that buzzed from the bustle of the night. The maître d’ of the restaurant, dressed in all black leads the man and woman to a secluded area with just four tables surrounding them. He places two menus on the table gently and tells the man and woman to please have a seat for their server will be with them momentarily. The pair smile and thank the maître d as they both sit down at the table.

   The man dressed in a blue collared button down with black slacks had on a shiny gold watch with a shiny gold necklace to match and black dress shoes. His hair defying gravity in a short black afro while his beard full, shiny, and long grew wide and stretched nearly to his chest.

   The woman wore a tight spaghetti strapped purple floral dress covered with big red roses. Her dark brown hair styled half up in a ponytail and half down with tight coiled curls brushing against her skin. Both of their complexions shine a dark brownish red tint in the lowlights of the restaurant.

   The pair look into each other’s eyes for a few seconds until the woman smiles and the male says, “I’m glad I am here with you tonight. The food here is good and I’m glad they sat us somewhere secluded.”

   The woman began to look around the restaurant and back to the man and said, “Yes, it’s beautiful. I love the piano being played, and I am glad I am here with you as well. I’m hungry and ready to dine.”

   She grabs the menu while biting her bottom lip and looking at the male, “I wonder what is good here to eat” she says with a twinkle in her eyes. She opens the menu that was placed down and glances at it for a second and glances back at the male and smiles.

   The male enamored watching the woman smile and said, “Damn, you look good, can I eat you with a smile jokingly while opening his menu on the table and looking through the menu.  The woman simply grins so big that it spreads across her whole face while continuing to look at the menu.

   The woman staring at the menu intently turns the three pages back and forth while her face develops in a frown. She says to the man in front of her,” I don’t know what I am going to eat. Should I order the duck?

   The woman pauses after she says duck and looks up to glance at the male with a smile on her face. The male in amusement at what she said, says cheekily, “You should order the duck with a side salad.”

   The woman says very quickly, “perhaps not” and loudly laughs and snorts. The man joins in her laughter while the maître d appears in the vicinity to seat another male and woman.

   The pair both glancing in the direction of the people being seated, try to muffle their laughter while turning to look at each other once again.

   “Where is our server, and what are you thinking about drinking? Should I get a bottle of wine for the miss?” “Champeeyang miss?” The male says jokingly wrong to accentuate a fake British  accent.

   The woman giggles and joins in his act and says to the male, “patience sir” in a distorted British accent. “Umm, I’m feeling red wine. Merlot.”

   “Red, red, wine” the male sings. “Stay close to me, don’t let me be alone”, he continues to sing.

   “Have you heard that…”, he says and cuts off his sentence because the woman started to sway in her chair from the male singing. The male smiles and says, “I see you have.

   “Oh, the server is coming”, the male declares as a woman dressed in a black dress with black tights and short heels comes up to their table.

On my journey of healing my mind, body, and soul I’ve been actively relearning the world with my fully developed frontal lobe adult brain.

I’ve been in the spirit of analysis.

I’m analyzing everything, from what has occurred and what is occurring in my life. For I desire evaluation or even more so growth.

I find myself beyond determined to find solutions to the ticking questions that I face every day and I’m eager to figure out myself more than ever before because I feel like I have a grasp on who I am as an individual/self.

Who is the self?

According to the American Psychological Association the self is, “the totality of the individual, consisting of all characteristic attributes, conscious and unconscious, mental and physical.”

To me this definition encompasses everything and rings true for what the self or who an individual is… a multitude of things.

One person can have many different attributes about them and those many attributes can be conflicting in just that one person. People are fascinating. An individual can be many things…multifaceted and to me that is interesting and where the analysis begins on myself and others.

The questions start to roll in my head. Questions such as how I can better my life by understanding myself more and why I do certain things leads me to read a lot of self-help books and digest articles and media centered around the self.

The self and all the words relating to the self, for example, self-care, self-advocacy, self-concept, self-esteem, the list can go on.

I begin to pick up on the formulas or patterns of the people who are successful and have a strong sense of self and purpose in their life.

As an individual/self you must put the work in to develop and grow the relationship you have with yourself just like any other relationship or task in this world.

Dare I say, one of the most important tasks projects you have in your life is with the relationship you have with yourself.

I believe once you feel up your metaphorical cup you can fill the cup of others. The healing of yourself produces this domino effect of change for not only your own reality but the reality of others that you rub off on.

A beautiful positive butterfly effect in a way. One man/woman can change the world mindset for it all starts with you the individual.

In this blog post I want to highlight the self and all its powers, yes, but even more so stress the idea of showing up for yourself.

The phrase showing up for yourself to me means keeping your word with yourself.

If you said to yourself that you are going to wake up in the morning and work out. You work out. If you said you’re going to travel the world you go out and travel because it builds a repertoire with yourself.

Just as important as it is to know thyself it is important to trust oneself and you build trust with yourself by doing the tasks you say you’re going to do.

Two simple ideas of knowing yourself and keeping your word with yourself carry enormous weight in our self-image of who thyself is and with knowing that as an adult I try to share grace to myself and to others. It is a skill, the skill of self-concept, we as humans must work on daily and writing it out in a blog post is like a reminder to myself and others. To check yourself and to show up for yourself.

The guidelines to the line have gone blurry, and she can’t find the line
just in time
to close the door
to stop running.

For she’s one quick mishap away
from the eraser of the line
that threatens the status quo.

So, she holds all her glories to her chest—extremely close.
Next to her hollow heart of cobwebs
of little trolls.
Look at their vibrant colors,
grasp and behold.
Little trolls who seem cute from afar
but dangerous, terrible sour patch kids up close.
They bite your insides, and
turn your pinky toes into mold.
But hey, I’ll give you my best advice.
Keep your fingers to your side.
It’s chaos…chaotic inside.

Self-reliant, resilient, and misunderstood.
I will stand on this soap box of mine and get what I deserve and what I should.
40 acres of land and a mule. I want what was promised, America, listen hard and good.

Open your ears and shut thy mouth or better yet observe my plight. For you mistake my will to live for agreement. Agreement of your atrocities and amusement, and I am not here for abusement. Take heed of my pain, for all I know is to fight. Fight for my rights. America, you beat me when I’m down and laugh in spite, and thankfully but not despite I rise from the fake news and they say I lack sight.

They say I just don’t have the right. So they ban the books and destroy what’s right. Gather my people like a herd and put them in prison to make money. For you are valuable, dead or alive. Take your organs too because America is not finished with you. They said be grateful that you can speak freely as they round us in.

Me on the sidelines shouting out to all that will listen that it’s all unfair and I still don’t have my land. Time to play for keeps. It’s ruthless out here.

Jodie, a short stout African American woman with long blond Rapunzel braided pigtails, drives into a crowded Target parking lot in her gray Audi A3 car that has stickers of animated cartoons on the back of the rear window.

Jodi, as her car enters, decides to park far away from the front entrance and away from all the other cars in the parking lot so she can get her steps in for the day. To get more exercise she tells herself.

She came to Target to pick up a few items for a small gathering she was throwing for her only three friends, Sienna, Jasmine, and Cali.

Jodie is a woman who likes to host and do extravagant things for her friends and as she parks her car in the lot, she sits in her car for a few minutes to look at the list she had made in her phone of the items she needed to get.

Three items only. Jodie rattles the list out loud to herself in the car.

“Nail Polish remover, Boom Chicka Pop popcorn and two bottles of red wine”, she says to herself, “Okay, let’s do this” as she unbuckles her seatbelt, grabs her purse, and keys and gets out of her car to walk to the entrance of Target.

A bright sunny summer day in the city of Inglewood Jodie wore a pink sleeveless shirt with brown corduroy overall shorts paired with pink gel sandals. Her arms stacked with beaded bracelets and her nails shaped almond and painted pink checkered.

A woman on a mission. Jodie walked for what seemed like an eternity until she got to the entrance of the store with a bead of sweat trickling down her face.

She enters the building and embraces the A/C, Jodie lets out a sigh of relief. She has made it in the store and away from the blaring heat. She inhales and then exhales and walks toward the carts in the store.

Once Jodie gets near where the carts are she tells herself again in her head that she only needs the three items. As she is thinking this thought she pauses in front of the selection of carts and decides to get one of the full-sized carts.

She retrieves the cart and walks near the first shelving of items in the store. Shelves of seasonal summer items capture Jodie’s attention, and she begins to browse all the items being displayed. While browsing Jodie notices a cup in the shape of a flamingo with pink and green coloring. The more Jodie stared at the item the more Jodie’s smile tended to widen. Her mind debated for a millisecond on if she should get the item times three for her party.

With little hesitation Jodie puts three of the cups in her cart and tells herself in her head that she will decide if it is worth buying towards the end or her shopping. She did not have to decide right now.

She then proceeds to walk away from the enticing shelf and go to the aisles to where the items she came into the store to get. She gets all her items of popcorn, nail polish remover and two red wines and more and ends up at a register ready to scan and pay for all her items.

Her total came out to be a hundred and fifty dollars for she indeed got the three items on her list, the three flamingo cups, a twenty-count pack of fruit snacks, a coloring book with crayons, and lastly a cherry flavor moisturizing lip balm.

Jodie walked out of the story with the biggest grin on her face. Excited to decorate for her party and unfazed by the sweltering heat and long distance to her car.

As a working adult, after a long eight-hour day at work there is not anything, I would love to do more than absolutely nothing. I would like to ruminate lazily in my costly box that I pay for monthly. The living box that I feel like I am barely in.

My sanctuary, my place of refuge and recharge. Oh, how I would like to just lazily sit or lay interchangeably from my living room to my room and back after mentally exhausting myself at work. The thought or even the image of doing nothing seems like a dream and I sometimes get to bring that dream to life.

However, most days I, like any other adult, have a lengthy list of things to do after work to sustain myself. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, going out with family or friends. The list can go on to all the things that I need or want to accomplish after a workday. The things to do are never-ending.

So, shout out to the people who have second or third jobs. Once upon a time I did, and I would have to clock out at one job and clock in somewhere else. As well, shout out to the parents of this world for that is a second job itself.

Long days and exhaustion are the life of a regular working adult in the United States of America. In our capitalistic society it is the norm to be tired or overworked.

I could write a whole blog post bashing our system for days on end, however, that is not what I want to convey.

Mentally I have already come to terms or realization of my schedule and how long my day is, and I have chosen not to succumb to the tiredness or the laziness the matrix wants to put me in.

After a workday I am still going out with my friends. I am still working on my own dreams and hobbies such as writing, sewing, etc. I am fighting through exhaustion to be a more well-rounded person.

I am fighting the good fight against tiredness that I would like to think I’m winning against but if I think of how far I have left to go in living and accomplishing my goals. The realization seems daunting.

I ask myself how I can continue for years on end with this routine of work and then my regular life after and like an epiphany or a light bulb in the dark the word stamina flashes across my brain.

To finish this race, I am going to need stamina.
The greats (people who have accomplished major attributes in life) had stamina.

What is stamina?

I love a dictionary definition. According to the oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com, Stamina is defined as “the physical or mental strength that enables you to do something difficult for long periods of time.

Whoa a word.
The definition gives me shivers because difficult and long periods of time should not be together in a sentence.

Stamina, a word mostly used in the fitness realm, is the secret sauce of life. You must have it on your journey as an adult because when you come home from a long day of work your stamina is going to kick your body and brain into turbo mode into action.

Your stamina is going to ignite that fire to keep you going when mentally or physically you do not have the desire to pour into yourself.

Your stamina is like that emergency packet the video game gives you when energy is low.

The race of life is a long one and my stamina is going to push me to the finish line.
The big question next is how I can sustain my stamina throughout the years.

Coffee (I am not a coffee drinker), energy drinks, meditation, exercise, music, words of affirmation, self-care days, moments of silence. The brain rattles all these great solutions to combat tiredness. I recommend all the above and have used all these devices personally.

However, I’m writing this not so much to give solutions but to further express even more so to myself and to anyone who will listen that having the will to push yourself is not an easy task. It is easier said than done. I know this and with knowing this comes in grace towards yourself and willpower to push even more.

We as humans are capable of even more than we think. We should physically and mentally push ourselves past whatever limit and watch how you grow as an individual. Watch how you reach new horizons because you did not let tiredness get in your way. I will not let it get in my way. Of course, get your sleep and be as healthy as you can be but do not let your laziness take up your valuable time.

Fight it. Being tired is part of the journey. Do it tired, do it with anger, just make sure you are doing what you need to do to get to the next level. In the words of the late Nipsey Hussle, “Life ain’t a sprint it’s a marathon, and just like any marathon, you have to watch your pace.”

The secret sauce is stamina!

She is a demanding one. Ms. Feminine. When I am in a horrible mood, she tells me to get up and shake my hips. Twirl and shake them in a circle to release any bad energy that tries to hold me down. She tells me to take my time when I get dressed so my makeup is fine, and my outfit is divine. Every detail in a meticulous line, for feeling put together makes me feel good inside. Ms. Feminine with her bright colors and sparkle, soft stern voice that whispers and never argues. I can gaze at her all day for she is like a painting that you want to embrace. She tells me to etch herself on to me and figure out my own way to shine. Ms. Feminine is so smart. She knows that depression is haggard and ever pressuring so she tells me that I should find a hobby to occupy my time or depression will keep calling. So, I begin to write to express my thoughts. An emotionally intelligent queen is what Ms. Feminine needs and who am I not to give her what she wants. For whatever I give to her gets given back to me. Ms. Feminine a generous queen, she is always looking out for me.

How do I describe all that is you? The invisible pull of energy that you exhibit, absorb, and transmute.
Turn water into wine…Jesus is that you.
Socrates and Luther too?
Yung alchemist, I have yet to see anyone with your power and profuse.
Your presence is a gift. All eyes on you.
No need to say a word for even in silence they can hear you.
Electromagnetic field frequencies are buzzing and are felt for the light and darkness is drawn to you.
The highest form of self-love is witnessed in you.
Write into the concrete your name among the greats and draw your portrait and statue.
I think all will approve.
Clone and duplicate, followers sure will try to.
I have witnessed your magic up close and even I don’t understand why I’m enamored, sprung, and simply amused.
You scratch the spot, hit the spot that I’ve always wanted someone to grab hold onto.
I’m really holding on boo.
Fingers to my side, I’m just here for the ride.
I will gladly sit by you and watch your aura glow and change through life’s ever revolving tides.

Come in and talk to your ego, read a white sign with big black bold letters. The sign on the door of a small hole in the wall business with the name Sermo (discourse in Latin) written on the door faintly. A small store located in the middle of an alley in downtown Los Angeles.

The streets surrounding it littered with trash, graffiti, and a slew of other stores selling clothes and food. The air reeking of trash and the smells of different foods.

People could be seen walking past the door and the posted sign all morning. Some people pointed at the sign, and some did not even notice it. A sparring few people individually at separate times could be seen opening the door and going inside the small store.

On this day in the afternoon. A woman walking past on her phone stops in the alleyway where the door and sign was located and pauses as soon as she sees the sign on the door.

The woman pauses and decides to get closer to the door. She gets remarkably close to the door and reads the sign aloud to herself. She looks from side to side, takes a deep breath and decides to reach out her hand to open the door.

The woman opens the door a little to see a room in darkness with a few dim lights and candles. The woman’s curiosity jumping out of her brain opens the door outright and walks into the doorway of the store. In the store an older woman’s voice lightly says, “come in dear” and as in a trance the woman comes all the way into the store and the door shuts behind her.

The young woman fully in the room adjusting her eyes to the dark room peers around the small room with only one desk with an older woman behind it. The whole room filled with long dark curtains and candles had two doors. One door that the young woman had just come out of and another door leading to somewhere she had never been. The circle room filled with the smell of essential oils and enchantment in the air.

The older woman dressed in a long purple dress with gold and black symbols all over says to the young women, “Come closer dear, welcome to Breakthrough Ego. A place where you can come in and talk to your ego” she says.

The younger woman walked closer to the woman and her desk with a perplexed look on her face as the older woman talked. The younger woman replies, “Talk to my ego” with a scrunched look on her face.

“How do I talk to my ego? “says the young woman.

The older woman smiling says to the young woman, “I will show you, come this way, on the next side of this door you will be able to speak to your ego if you would like. Would you like to? The older woman says with an air of mischief and warning.

The young woman, increasingly more intrigued, replied, “Yes, please show me.” The older woman opens a drawer behind the desk to reach for a key and then turns to the woman to beckon her to follow and they both walk towards the unknown second door.

Once at the door the older woman turns to the younger woman and gives her the key. The older woman says, “the key is here for you. Open the door and talk to your ego. You will have an hour. These are my only instructions.

The younger woman nods, takes the key, and puts the key into the key lock and walks through the second doorway. The space upon first opening seemed dark but the young woman blinked, and she was under by a small spotlight.

The spotlight expanded with every step in the room she took until the woman looked around the room to see that the whole room was fully lit. The room was large and, in the center, sat two gray loveseats. Another young woman looking just like her was sitting in one of the gray loveseats.

The younger woman, confused, walks up to the loveseat, and sits down.

The other younger woman who looked eerily like her says, “Hi I’m your ego.”

The first young woman replies, “Wow, hi,” I cannot believe this. You are my ego?

“Yes, I am your ego. Your subconscious, your protector. The best version of yourself. I am prettier, funnier, and more intelligent than you.”

The younger woman scrunching up her face with the reply from the other woman, her ego as she says. Irritated at her ego, the woman says loudly, “who do you think you are? Who says you are better than me, you do not even know me.”

The other woman replies, “I know you; I am you simply better she says with a smirk. The confident, self-assured, protector of you. You need me.”

The younger woman thinking and looking at her ego in surprise with her mouth wide open agape. Her ego in amusement laughingly says to the woman with a smile, “What, you don’t have anything to say?”

5,250,600 minutes!
Everyone! Sing! “How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.”
This masterpiece of a song from the musical Rent just plays in my head when I think of the concept of time.

How does one measure time?
What is her obsession with time?

For myself and for this blog post, I want to measure time in hours and not minutes. There are twenty-four hours in a day. One hundred and sixty-eight hours a week, and my time is ultra valuable. Forty hours or even more, considering the time it takes to get dressed and to commute to and from work are allotted to my job/work.

So, let’s do some math, because math is fun!
Forty hours divided by five is eight hours a day for work. There are twenty-four hours in a day. Twenty-four subtracted from eight leaves me with sixteen hours in a day give or take to do other things in my life outside of work. On an average day I am left with sixteen hours in a day to myself. Subtract the hours in sleep and if I am lucky, it is eight hours. So, I’m left ultimately with eight hours in a day to do what I want. Cook/eat, watch tv, conversate with my peers and family, and/or work on my own projects and hobbies.

In this short time, I must allot my time, I must be strategic and therein lies my dilemma. A dilemma that I know all my peers may share. The dilemma of allocating or balancing your time with your social/personal life and professional/work life.
I want to be social and go out for drinks and food with my friends, but I also want to make a lot of money and perfect my craft in my career and side projects.

The balance of time is not balanced. The balance of the two different areas of my life seems to clash and compete with the little time that I have with myself.

The realization of how little time I have to work on my writing or to hang out with friends hits me hard mentally and I start to feel overwhelmed, and my brain starts to self-sabotage itself with depression which leads me to not wanting to do anything. Or another mechanism or action of being overwhelmed can result in me just wanting to relax and rot my brain with my phone by scrolling the apps or watching TV.

Also, being mentally overwhelmed can have the opposite effect and cause me to be more social, furthermore ruining the balance of work in my life. Leading to even fewer hours to work on my hobbies and projects.

The pattern/cycle is vicious and acknowledging it and recognizing what is getting me off track is the first step.

The next step is deterrence and upholding or utilizing my time more efficiently.
One solution to having a balanced life and not feeling guilty about being social or overwhelmed with work is having a reward system with myself aka delayed gratification. If I do laundry and read this book, I will reward myself with thirty minutes of downtime. Or if I buckle down for the week and devote myself the entire week to accomplishing goals, I will go out with my friends on a Saturday.

The delayed gratification helps me get my work done and helps me feel like my life is balanced. The whole ordeal of being balanced in my time is based on how I feel.

I want to feel that I’m giving each area of my life efficient time. I don’t like the feeling of being overworked and I don’t like the feeling of being lazy and unproductive.

I want to feel productive and social at the same time and finding this balance of different sectors in my life is probably something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and I am determined now in my thirties to get the system down before the kids, marriage and other responsibilities that come with living life.

I will probably always have to adjust my limiting time. However, having a system or way to get back to equilibrium or balance (whatever I view as balance) is something I would like to try to tackle or master. Organization and time management can help with balancing the little time I have.

Conversations and writing can start a revolution or invoke change in the mind and if I can do just that for anyone or even myself, I’m closer to understanding the solution to any problem, and through this blog post the problem of balance.

Do you jump into the pool water, or do you ease on into it? One toe dips into the cold, then your leg, and another until your full body is waist length deep into the liquid. My friends tell me that if I had just jumped right in, I would feel warmer, faster, because there is no denying that it is cold. My brain is stubborn, cautious, and needs to learn about the impending dangers before it jumps in so readily, so audacious, so bold. Slow and steady wins the race. Be the tortoise, or so I am told that is the course to take. A motto to follow. I’m in the pool now, and as I swim, I can feel my body warming up from the tips of my fingers down to the wrinkles of my toes. The feeling of ease relaxing my joints till my mind is vulnerable and exposed. My heart rate once high is now steady like the firewood at the end of the campfire night. Can you feel the spark turning into fireworks? The transition is so subtle, so calming, so smoldering, so slow.

I jumped off the wrecked ship
and swam through the treacherous waters
to find her.
I battled sea monsters and sharks
till I reached land.
I endured the cut and bruises
through my walk in the jungle.
I ate wild pigs and poisonous snakes
who tried to take my life
and stand against me.
For years and through the teary nights
I would wake up early to chase
behind her shadows.
Following her footsteps in haste.
Thank God I didn’t lose hope.
For I’ve found her and along the way
I grew strong and restored my faith.

It was 7:00 o’ clock at night and me and my girlfriend both sat in the living room in our comfy clothes.
I, in my grey ensemble of dark and light grey sweats, hoodie, and socks. My whole-body frame of long legs and heavy stock sat laid up on our comfy brown couch with orange and yellow medium sized pillows sprawled all along me while I played video games on my PlayStation hooked up to the TV.
The video game of me killing mutated fungus zombies was on mute while I listened to a Los Angeles Lakers basketball game versus New York Knicks with the sound of the announcers and game audibly low on my phone.
Comfortable and content in my own head of space while my heart, my girlfriend, sat in a beanbag chair next to her bookcase filled with books of different sizes. My girlfriend sat under a warmly lit lamp reading her book. Her hair sprouted out of her bun nearly with her glasses and face planted in her book. Her body curves outlined in a long T-shirt dress while her feet are dressed in fuzzy pink socks with white polka dots on them. A small neon green throw blanket lay halfway on her legs and the other half on the beanbag chair.
Both of us can be seen periodically stealing glances at each other every few minutes or so, grinning and then continuing with our respective play. The apartment air filled with the smell of tortillas, chicken, cheese and green Verde sauce from the enchiladas we both made twenty minutes prior.
The finishing result now in the oven was ruminating a delectable smell as the cheese melted over the dish. The smell filled the apartment even more with the yummy aroma.
Simple bliss, my belly rumbles at the thought of this exact moment.
The announcers of the basketball game getting me out of my trance yell out quietly from the low audio of my phone, “Lebron with the deep three…”
I turn my head to my phone to catch the play as the character in my video game gets attacked by not one but three zombies. I shake my head and try to pause the video game and watch the basketball game simultaneously.
I yell out to the screen on my phone, “C’mon Lebron, let’s go” in excitement!
The game in the fourth quarter with the Lakers leading behind by five points after Lebron’s deep three. My girlfriend looked up from her book just a peek to look at me and smile as I turned all my attention to the game.
Rubbing my belly and standing up to stretch with my phone still in hand. I began to pace in front of the TV and then walked to the kitchen to check the timer on the stove for the food in the oven. The timer on the oven said nine more minutes left.
I shake my head thinking of how long it was and walk back to the couch with my phone in hand and continue to stare at my phone and the game. Every now and then I would comment on the game with random words like, “defense, rebound and c’mon ref” until time passed and the timer on the oven rings out.
Both me and my girlfriend lift our heads up from the sound and look at each other smiling.
I say, “aye, let’s go, I’m starving” as we both get up from our spots and walk to the kitchen.
I, the first to arrive in the kitchen, grab the oven mitts, open the oven and reach out to get the one dish pan from the hot oven rack. I set the hot dish on top of the stove. The table is already set by my girlfriend with our plates, eating utensils, and a bowl of salad for a side.
My girlfriend says to me,” We should let it cool down a little, then we can eat.” I, being impatient, scrunched up my face and grabbed her hand to bring her close to me as she giggled from the pull of my embrace.
I say to her in her ear very low, “you’re going to make me wait.”

“A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.”

 There is this notion that an individual should pick one skill or interest that they have and practice and hone that one skill. 

Not two, three or four skills/interests but one. 

The idea is that if you want to become a master/professional you must spend all your time developing that one skill.   With focusing on one skill compared to many skills you are not dividing your time amongst a variety of activities.

This argument sounds plausible to the ear; however, my life depicts another story so in my mind there is room for a different approach.

There must be another way!

I, as an individual, have many interests and hobbies and have allowed myself to experience all the activities I want to incorporate in my life.

Whether it is watching anime, being out in nature, or reading finance books. My interests vary and as the web of interests expands my thought process begins to expand, and I begin to ask myself the following question. 

Why do I have to settle down on one career?

I want to be a writer, a lawyer, a designer(seamstress), rapper, singer, photographer, bartender, guitarist, chess player, runner… What else?

A new one on my list is to be the first African American manufacturer owner of American quality cars. Drop the mic.

I truly don’t want to work on one interest just for the sake of mastering one.

I want to be the jack of all trades. All hail.

I truly admire anyone who is multidimensional, eclectic and has many different interests/outlets. It is refreshing to see an individual not be boxed in or categorized.

The great writer James Baldwin quotes, “The place in which I’ll fit will not exist until I make it.”

This place of “fit” is ever revolving and changing for a multidimensional being with multiple interests and hobbies. This place is almost like the room of requirements in Harry Potter. Magical and appear when needed. 

As a person with many interests, I’m chatting and interacting with seamstresses and fashion designers, discussing literature and writing in a romance book club while moving my body to the rhythm of music in a dance class. All different spaces taking up space.

Take up space in every corner of interest that you can imagine. 

I feel like the allowance one gives to oneself to just be, brings out this energy that bounces off each hobby/interest to create this inner happiness. This organic self-made happiness.

More to that!

Blinking fluorescent red, the light on the door says open.

I, in a trance, like a bug drawn to the light, dance and stroll on into sight.

Exposed and ready to take flight.

The energy shifts and time slows.

The goosebumps stand up from my skin and count the hairs in attendance.

We are all here.

My feelings begin to peek out of my ears to escape my brain.

My heart begins to match the rhythm of my steps and the blinks of my eye.

The thinking machine upstairs cannot comprehend or even know how to describe how I feel.

Mushy, gooey, melting, soiree of adjectives.

The written language does not suffice and nor am I prepared to describe it through my body.

How does it feel to be open?

Cosmic, random, jolts of unexplainable feelings. Nonsensical, very much whimsical, good commotion, sensitive, eyes and ears and head all open.

The yellow brick road disappears with every step that I take so that must mean I’m getting close. X marks the spot.  They say the right path hums in your chest a melody that only you can hear. A tick ticking, captain hook can adhere. The audio must be on low for me, so I turn down the other music, the other speech, the naysayers who want to preach. This pivot is revolutionary and just for me. I’m on the precipice, the plank, I can feel the itch to move!  To welcome the pressure. To jump through the hoops. Jump out of my bed, for sleep is not what I’m wanting.  There is some strong longing. One should never want but desire. Yes, it is a desire that keeps me yearning, learning, working. Lord, give me the strength to maneuver the obstacles forming. I’m in no rush, and yet I’m already imagining the layout, the pivot, the big story.

I was the third person to walk into the office that morning, and the scene I walked into was chaotic. The office was completely trashed, papers everywhere and cabinets tossed over and open.  One of my coworkers, Sheila, stood in the lobby entrance just looking at the scene as the only other coworker in the office, Jason, walked through and around the mess slowly inspecting the scene.

I can remember my steps as I walked in slowing down and my heartbeats beginning to accelerate once my brain tried to understand what was going on. The eerie quietness and small sound of my coworker, Jason’s footsteps walking around and crinkling under the mess of paper, broken glass and office junk. The sound and horror of the moment froze me in panic right in my spot and I couldn’t move for a minute until I heard more people coming into the office lobby. I did not turn around from the chaos, I just heard the different voices gathering in.

One voice screamed, another asked “what was going on? What happened? Where is the Boss? Did anyone call the police?

The combination of voices and murmurs from each other could be heard speaking over one another until the voice that was loud with bass and clear spoke over everyone.

The voice said, “Everyone I found a note from our boss on top of this tossed over file cabinet.” Everyone would then look in the direction of the voice to see Jason standing in the chaotic pile holding a congratulations greeting card.

I like everyone else began to gather closer to Jason and the note until everyone was upon each other and glancing at each other and Jason. 

Once all close Jason said out loud to everyone that it was a quick note. The message in the note read, “I stopped by the office this morning, I will be in the office later in the afternoon,” signed by the boss.

As soon as Jason read the note everyone looked at each other perplexed because the boss was here and now, he was not, and the office is in disarray. Everyone, including my face, was confused with thought and before anyone could say a word regarding the note, someone, another coworker, walked through the lobby, saw the scene and said what was going on.

The coworker who walked in, Jose, was always late and once we explained the situation to him, he looked and said to everyone, “Well the boss’s car is here, I always check when I am running in late to see if he is here yet. 

Another coworker chimed in, “Yes, I’ve noticed that as well that his car was here.”

I chimed in myself and said out loud to everyone, “Does he have another car? I don’t understand all of this, we should call the police.” I remember saying that and everyone nodding their heads agreeing.

At that moment everyone was pulling out their phones. I pulled out mine and dialed 911 but it would not dial out.

“Wow I said, I don’t have service. Does anyone have service? I remember lifting my phone above my head. My coworkers surrounded me with their phones doing the same just like I did and coming with the same results. No service. I heard a bunch of no’s and people beginning to move around to try to get service.

Someone said maybe there is something wrong with the service in the area right now. Another coworker went looking for an office landline to try to call from. Every attempt was met with no success. All this was happening in the matter of seconds and minutes.

I said out loud to the group, “Let’s go outside and see if there is service or someone can go to the other businesses near us and call. The whole group agreed and started to walk towards the entrance. 

A coworker had reached the entrance door before I could, and as he opened the door glued to the door frame was a sign that said April’s Fools.